Trying to Conquer My Fears and Other Random Things

I’ve got a lot on my mind these days and I’m a total random person, so why not blog about it.  For one I had a Debbie downer dream last night that the doctor thought I had cancer and needed a sample of my bone.  It was totally bazaaro because the doctor couldn’t seem to knock me out with the medicine and I was lying there and my whole body felt just weird and kind of painful.  So the doctor in the dream gave me more medicine to knock me out, which I was for a while and then I woke up, no doctor insight and my stomach was cut in half. I’m talking like all the way through, this crazy doctor is going to leave me with a big ol' scar and second how am I still alive?  Meanwhile I was taking pictures of my insides with my I-Phone. Then that’s when I saw the “cancer” and I woke up, I’m telling you it was a cray cray.  What the heck does this dream mean?  Do I need to go to the doctors and tell them that I have cancer?

Something you should know about me is that I am terrified of speaking in front of people.  It's totally weird to me because I am really not a shy person at all and through life experiences and growing I've learned not to care what others think of me.  I am who I am and if you don't like me, it's okay.

I think you can guess whats going on here ;)

But when it comes to speaking in front of an audience forget about it.  I don't  think it has anything to do with what people think of me but just for some reason I shut down and turn into this completely different person. I hate it.  I can recall back to 9th grade in my Honors English class, we had to give our first book report.  It was my turn to go up to the podium and share my thoughts on the book.  Instead of doing that, I turned as red as a cooked lobster and laughed for 5 minutes straight and walked out of the classroom.  Eventually I came back in and was literally shaking the entire time and rushed to get through it.  I don't know why I work myself up so much.  I often make myself sick over it, its to the point that its ridiculous.  I just dread doing it, I really don't know how I survived through college in my major because I had to give a butt load of presentations.

I want to conquer my fears, which is why on my list of 101 Days in 1001 list,  number 92 is to give a toast. Now I didn't expect to give a toast for a while because my best friend, Kristen isn't getting married for like another year or two.  So I figured I would have plenty of time to work up the courage and spend like a year on writing the speech.  That all changed because a 2 months ago my Mom announced that she was going to get married to her partner of 12 years, which this is a whole other post.  She of course asked me to stand in for her and I couldn't be more honored to.  I am super stoked about  it and I am beyond happy for my mother and her partner.  But after the whole excitement set in I realized that I was going to have to give a toast, holy crap balls!!! womp womp womp.

Its T-13 days away and I have yet to put anything together.  It needs to happen this week!  I'm stressing out hard core, i'm sweating just thinking about it. I'm new to the whole toast thing as well, this will be my first experience. HELP! PLEASE! :)  If you have any advice, recently have given a speech, have some ideas, tips, helpful advice, encouragement send it my way! :)

This weekend wasn't crazy or anything but I'll give you a quick weekend recap.  You know your getting domesticated when you and your bf spend your Friday night deep cleaning the carpets.  It had to happen though, with two dogs and one who gets scared when it thunderstorms and decides that the only good place to pee is on one of the three carpets that we have.  I was totally sick of the house smelling like urination, its not a good smell.  Saturday my brother and his family came up to my house for a few hours. They live a few hours away and they finally got to come check out where I live.  We ate, napped and went to the playground.  I love any opportunity to get to hang out with my niece and nephew, they are just simply growing up way too fast! Sunday consisted of laying out and watching hours and hours of Sopranos! Oh yea and I attempted to start a cleanse but that lasted about 2 hours so no go on that one.  I love food too much! My power cord finally arrived so hopefully I will be more consistent with my blogging now, hallelujah! To end on a happy note my bestie, Hayley got engaged on top of a mountain in Upstate NY and I could not be more ecstatic for the two of them to start the next chapter of there lives.

Sunbathing pup!

Yes, he is reading directions!  :)

Niece playing in the dog kennel

She found my shower cap!